expectations

As students we are, it may be common to have disappointments. We may be, at one point, being disappointed with our classmates, our friends, our love interests, or to our teachers. The latest seem not as usual, but I had it.

Disappointments are from expectations not fulfilled. Why do we expect in the first place? We expect something to somebody because we have this belief that he could be able to meet those standards. Well, normally that would be the reason. But sometimes, say one out of ten scenarios, we could have this expectations because that person is building that standards by himself.

That 1-out-of-10 scenario came to happen to me. I am not so sure if my friends also happened to have this. Well, I am talking about this instructor, who WAS one of those I thought to be the bests. When I was still a newbie in our school, his name was really something. Just hearing that name made students shiver. They tirelessly described him as ‘terror’. Thankfully, I’ve been lucky for couple of years that I haven’t been a student of his. That luck though meant an extension to my misconceptions.

Now, that luck is gone. I’m now a student of his. Though afraid, I’m excited because finally I would be able to personally try how exactly it is to be with the ‘terror’. During the first day of our class, I already felt his ‘roar’. It would be too long to elaborate it, but trust me, he really did! Second meeting, third, still isn’t a formal class, still can’t find what I do expect. During the 4th session, I started to smell something unpleasant. And with the 5th and 6th, I was able to confirm that something. ‘The terror isn’t that terror in teaching!’

You read it right. He isn’t. He wasn’t teaching us. He wasn’t doing what a teacher was supposed to do. And yeah, you guessed it right, he haven’t met my expectations. I was really expecting him to be the best teacher for he seems to find himself almost perfect. I expected him to know a lot for he is so expert in finding the faults of others. I expected him to be so brilliant for he treats us more like toys rather than students.

Sad to say, those expectations will always remain as they are, unfulfilled. I wish people would refrain from acting such things that would make others find them as someone they could impossibly be. It is hard to live in a world where people expect you to be someone you cannot be, but I guess it would be harder if those people are having those expectations because you made them do.

psycho!

Psychology… it is the study of the mind, someone’s behavior, and humans' soul. That is just a brief description about that field of social science, but more than enough to start the fire of eagerness in me for that subject. It is called SOC.SCI-3 in our curriculum, intended to be taken during the 1st semester in the fifth year of studies. Among all of the social sciences that we got to take, this really has something that interests me that I hadn’t found in the others. I don’t know if I just want to hear it’s name being shorted out as ‘psycho’, or maybe I just find our psychology teacher’s way of introducing it to us quite catchy. What I am certain is that I am always looking forward for all the 3-hours-a-week schedule of that subject, that I don’t even dare doing to our math subjects. When I am in the psychology class, I got to realize a lot about my questions for myself. Why am I reacting like this during those situations?, why am I doing these things during those moments?, why do I love doing this thing when I am in this place?, everything were answered and cleared out. As of now, we still have less than 10 meetings yet, but I already got to find answers for myself that has been with me for about 10 years. Maybe that is why I like this subject, because I can find something that math subjects can’t offer me even with it’s most complicated formulas. For the moment, I don’t think I would be that relevant, thinking that we are just starting to take the subject up. This feelings may just be first impressions, 95% it is, and I know it won’t last, so do what our teacher said. But I don’t care a lot what awaits once we go through, I’m not in a hurry though, I have a lot of time enjoying this excitement whenever PSYCHOLOGY topics cross my mind.

I FINALLY HAVE ONE!

I FINALLY HAVE ONE!!!
I am talking about a computer. Yeah I guess it isn’t that big deal for others to have it, some even have more than one unit. But for me it is. Honestly, I’ve been longing for this. Being a student of a computer-related course, having your own computer is really a plus. I still can remember how I felt every time my classmates would chat about their computers and how they do with it. I would want to join with them but I don’t have something to share. Well I certainly can relate with those who, like me, also don’t have.
Last December, we had this short tutorial about Java programming language and we’re assigned to practice on our own at home. All of my co-students have their units at home, they got to study a lot, unlike me, still have to go to the Internet café just to read the write-ups given to us. It’s really hard when such situations came; it just added more to my uncountable insecurities. The feeling that you know you can do something, you can learn something, but just can’t because you don’t have this very essential thing is killing me! During our project makings, my main concern wasn’t really ‘how to make my project’ but ‘where to make my project’. But I’m thankful enough that even with those hardships I was still able to comply though. But then, I just did it, still not satisfied.
Those days are gone. I have my own computer now. Though some may say it’s a bit late, I don’t find it such. There isn’t any ‘late’ in learning. That is the purpose why we had this, and I guess I share that thought with my mom to whom I should credit every inch of this unit. Of course to our Lord, He did not fail of hearing my prayers for this. Never knew how exactly I should thank Him.
Now I’m having a lot of tasks on my sleeves. I have a lot to fill up, a lot to study, a lot to explore. Well, I guess the best way I should do is just wish a lot of good luck to myself and my pc…